Breaking Point…. What exactly happens now?

10/15/2016

The best days for me are PAYDAY! but the worst days for me come at 2am every morning 7 days a week since July 29th. This pattern never stops, nor does it have a point of adventure there are days where I feel pointless, there are days I feel like a failure because I just want to get through the days and late mornings just to pay my bills. Or just to say I am employed (independently) makes me feel somewhat important because I manage subscriber accounts while I keep the return on profits.

But man! what exactly should I be doing with my life, with my hopes, my dreams, my aspirations, my voice? On my worst day I feel like a has been, or this “what happen” person which is why I stay quiet most of the times unless I want to be vocal on certain issues.

People always ask me what happen to the radio or what happen to you being on the radio. That question either gets under my skin or it makes me have to face my truth. Radio can either make you or break you and in my situation it took a individual to break me from my passion. She hated the possibility of exactly how far radio would carry me, and the truth that I was just as good as she was. She held a cloud over my career and I allowed one caught off guard moment to break me, it broke me to the point where I knew that the last time I picked up a pair of headphones would be my last.

I know for a fact Greg Sampson is pissed at me, I even feel as if I let him down because that was the genius behind the Mona J machine he created something special and he made it that way so that no one could touch or match it. Thats the power behind the magic that you hear once I broke the microphone and gave you the best of me in the 4 hours of time. And in 10 minutes of a phone call and a day incident I allowed someone to break me and break what that man spent his time crafting.

Now I face this huge cliff of what if? what if I went back into radio? My breaking point came at the reality of having someone chin check me on why I gave it up in the first place. Truthfully, its this fear of failure, its the fear of trying to be great on my own, the fear of numbers, the fear of judgement. POINT. BLANK. PERIOD!

So what happens after I throw up my nerves? I PICK UP MY FEELINGS AND PUT BACK ON A PAIR OF HEADPHONES AND WAIT FOR THE COUNT IN FOR THE MIC CHECK….

Yours truly…. THE RADIO DIVA!